Akatsuki to the Rescue!
by TumblingTroublesomeTumbleweeds
Summary: Everyone knows where babies come from, even Deidara, but what he didn't expect was it would happen to him. What happens when Deidara realizes he's on his way to fatherhood? The Akatsuki to the rescue! Some OOCness but I did try. Deidara/OC T for language
1. Oh Baby!

Reika knew something odd was up with her. She felt pains in her lower abdomen and knew it couldn't be good. Deidara was out on some mission so she called Konan. The blue-haired kunoichi had just given birth and was stuck at home taking care of the baby she knew she would like some company.

On the way to Konan's and Nagato's house she suddenly felt dizzy _what on earth is wrong with me? _she wondered her stomach pains hadn't lessened since that morning. She made it to Konan's house; her friend was sitting on the porch holding her twins. Reika waved and Konan nodded, being unable to wave. "You alright?" Konan asked Reika concernedly "you look really pale" Reika nodded "I don't know what it is" she exclaimed I've been having stomach pains all day and I've gotten really dizzy all of a sudden" she told Konan.

Konan's brown eyes widened "stomach pains and dizziness?" she asked suspiciously, Reika nodded and Konan leaned in "when was your last period" Konan whispered. Reika blushed "what does that have anything to do with it?" she asked and Konan rolled her eyes "what do you think?" she asked. When it was clear Reika was just as confused as before she sighed "when was the last time you…y'know…did it?" she tried again. Reika's blush grew making her look like a tomato "now what does my sex life have to do with it?" Konan rolled her eyes "Rei, I love you but you are DENSE…you might be pregnant!"

Reika paled "impossible!" I'm only 20!" she cried "I've only been married a year! I can't be _pregnant_" panic flooded her "Konan" she cried hysterical "what do I do?" "first of all calm down" Konan commanded. Reika took a deep breath "ok now what?" "now go get a pregnancy test" "where do I find those?" Reika asked. Konan thought "I think I have a couple left over hold them" she passed the twins Ayame and Myumi to Reika and she went inside. Moments later she emerged holding three little plastic packages "here" she said handing them to her

Reika took the packages "what do I do?" she asked curiously. Konan leaned in "it's easy" she said " you pee on it and if there's a green plus sign you're pregnant if there's a red negative sign you're not use them all because sometimes you get a false positive"

Reika hugged Konan "I'll call you as soon as I know" she said and was about to run down the porch steps when Konan suggested she use her bathroom "you'll know immediately and I want be there in case you panic" Reika nodded and went inside.

Reika was sitting on the toilet holding the stick. She'd peed on it and was waiting for her result. She shook it a couple times but then realized she might get a false positive if that happened.

She glanced down at the little window and her heart leapt to her throat: a little green plus sign. She swallowed the feeling of dread and tried another one it came out positive too. She was really beginning to panic; she continually refilled her bottle of water and drank until she had to pee again. She used the third test strip and sure enough: the little green plus sign was there…mocking her. Her heart raced and she flew out of the bathroom.

"KONNNNAAAAAAAANNNNN!" she cried out. Konan came rushing into the room having deposited the twins in their bed "what?" she took one look at Reika's pale face and the pregnancy test in her hand. Konan's eyes widened "you did all three of them?" Reika nodded tears filling her eyes. "Oh sweetie" Konan wrapped her arms around her as Reika cried.

That's how Nagato-formerly known as Pein-found them. Reika had cried herself to sleep but woke at the sound of footsteps. After Konan finished explaining to Nagato what had transpired his face grew grave "I'm sorry Reika…although it really isn't a bad thing" he said trying to lighten her up. She just stared at him in defeat "I can't have a kid…I'm still a kid myself and Deidara is only a year older" she sobbed "we nearly killed Sasori when he was in child form and he wasn't even a baby" she was shaking "what do I do?" she asked Konan terrified. Konan shushed her "go home and tell Deidara. The two of you decide what to do and then come see me first thing tomorrow" Reika nodded as Nagato escorted her home.

**Deidara got home that night to find Reika sitting on the bed staring into space a look of utter defeat and complete fear on her pale face. It was obvious to the blonde bomber she had been crying. Deidara immediately worried "are you ok hm?" he asked wrapping his arms around her. She just handed him a little stick that looked like something he'd seen someone take a temperature with. He glanced down at it and there was a little green plus sign in the little window thing. Deidara was confused "what does it mean hm?" he asked shaking it and peering at the little green sign.**

**Reika looked up at him with blank eyes "it means…I'm pregnant" she began sobbing again. Deidara froze "as in…a baby?" Reika nodded through her tears "who's is it hm?" he asked completely discombobulated "yours silly" she said, even through her tears she still managed to laugh at him. Deidara did not do well in personal situations like this, he got flustered. The former-terrorist was dumbfounded "you mean we're having a baby hm?" he asked her "as in a little baby hm?" Reika nodded and began crying harder. Deidara finally snapped out of his daze and comforted Reika "hey it's alright…this isn't anything to panic over. It's just a baby…we handled Sasori. hm" he said confidently.**

**Reika looked at him in disbelief "we nearly killed him…three times" she said. Deidara turned red "yeah well, we're not gonna be taking this baby on any missions now are we hm?" Reika just shook her head and cried harder. Eventually the redhead had cried herself to sleep for the second time that day and was resting on Deidara's lap. Deidara was staring at the little stick thing **_**how can something so insignificant and small affect someone's life like this? **_**he wondered**

**He glanced down at Reika's head on his lap, dried tears graced her cheeks and her eyelashes still had left over tears clinging to them. He gently brushed them off causing her to stir slightly. He thought about how this would affect them and promised that tomorrow, they'd talk to Konan and Nagato. He picked up the sleeping redhead and placed her on the bed, climbing in next to her he wondered what tomorrow would bring.**


	2. Akatsuki to the Rescue!

Deidara and Reika got dressed in silence the next morning. The blonde artist said nothing knowing his wife didn't feel like talking. Konan had called first thing in the morning-good grief that woman woke up early!-but as no one (in particular two grumpy risers) wants to pick up a ringing phone at 7am, Deidara let it go to voicemail.

The young couple left their house around noon. When they reached Konan's house they were shocked to see several of their friends were there "Congratulations!" they all shouted in unison. Reika paled in shock and Deidara's mouth dropped open. A pregnant Kyushu came running down the stairs, her husband fretting over her "this is great" she cried holding Reika's hands "Kisame and I are pregnant too…don't worry. It's not scary" she enfolded the younger girl into a hug and escorted her inside. Reika shot a look of desperation at Deidara who was already being cornered by the guys.

"Congratulations man" she heard Hidan say slapping the younger man on the back. She knew he was just as trapped as she was so she surrendered and allowed herself to be dragged up to Konan's room by Kyushu, Konan and several other women.

Ino, Zetsu's wife smiled at her "I'm so happy for you" the blonde-haired kunoichi smiled. Reika hardly knew her, she ran a flower shop in Konohagakure which was why Zetsu had fallen for her…that and her looks: with long, light blonde hair and pale blue eyes she was definitely a stunner…how she fell for Zetsu (and which Zetsu) Reika didn't know. Konan hugged her "it's really not that scary…we'll tell you everything you need to know" Kyushu, always cheerful grabbed her hands "it'll be great!" she enthused "we'll be baby buddies! I'm only a month in myself" Reika smiled slightly, glad to have someone else.

Konan nodded wisely and Sakura, Sasori's girlfriend smiled shyly at her. She knew how those two met and was confused as hell when they announced their relationship considering she thought Sakura had killed him. Konan and Hyuma, Hidan's wife-how Hidan had EVER met a fellow Jashin-worshipping immortal was way WAAAYYYY beyond her…even Deidara was mystified-began detailing what was going to happen over the next nine months. In Reika's opinion it didn't sound too pleasant.

**Downstairs, the men were celebrating with beer. A drunken Hidan slapped Deidara on the back "when Hyuma had her baby we praised Jashin by sacrificing the fucking nurse" he cheered making Deidara wonder about the poor baby's sanity and shudder at the thought that the baby itself would become a Jashin worshipper. Kakuzu narrowed his eyes "babies are a lot of money" he groused "which is why you never had one fucker!" Hidan crowed going for another beer. Deidara glanced at Sasori who rolled his eyes. He'd always looked up to his old partner and mostly wanted his advice on this.**

**Kisame patted the younger man on the back…Deidara remembered the shark-man was an emotional drunk and braced himself for the volley of tears "it's so great" he sniffled **_**here it comes **_**Deidara thought "Kyushu is pregnant too" he smiled beatifically (well as beatifically as a shark-man can) "we'll get to experience the joy of fatherhood together" he sobbed and pulled Deidara into a hug "isn't it wonderful?" Deidara inwardly sighed and patted Kisame on the back "just great" he said unenthusiastically. Nagato put a hand on his shoulder "it's really not that scary. Sure both you and Reika are young and this wasn't planned at all but you DID bring Sasori back alive despite nearly killing him several times"**

**Deidara glanced at the redhead awkwardly "yeah…Sasori my man, sorry about that yeah?" Deidara said sheepishly. Sasori just waved it away. Deidara turned back to where Hidan was shouting "Praise Jashin" at the top of his lungs and idly wondered whether his wife was faring any better…**

By now Reika was rather scared especially when they came to describing the birth "it's like trying to push a damn brick out your fucking hoo-ha" was Hyuma's analysis. Reika and Kyushu looked at each other in fear. Ino put her arm around the young redhead "I doubt it's THAT bad" she whispered "Zetsu always said Hyuma and Hidan were extreme…now I know what he meant" Reika giggled feeling slightly better. Kyushu still looked rather afraid "is it really that bad?" she asked Konan. Konan shook her head "no, it's not. Sure it does hurt after all, it's a small human being, but afterwards you forget about it and both of you and your husbands are fairly small. I can understand why Hyuma had a hard time…how big was your baby?" "15 pounds" Hyuma said proudly causing Reika and Kyushu to shudder "that must've been like pushing out a melon" Reika said amazed. Konan nodded "but that's because both Hidan and Hyuma are big people. You and Deidara are both very slight but tall which will make it easier. Same for you Kyushu…you're both very small so it'll work"

Reika and Kyushu looked at each other in relief. Sakura and Ino let out a squeal "we need to plan a baby shower!" they cried in unison. "It should be aquatic themed since Reika is from Takigakure and Kyushu is half-shark" Ino said to Sakura who nodded "it'll be a double baby shower" Sakura giggled. "Hold on" Konan got off the bed "let me get ice cream…it'll calm you ladies nerves" she padded across the bedroom and opened the door hearing an ungodly cheer from down below. Konan shook her head "damn men" she muttered under her voice before closing the door.

**Downstairs, Deidara was trying to escape the raucous caused by Hidan, Kisame and Kakuzu who were drunk beyond recognition. Kisame even began shouting "Praise Jashin" and sobbing into Hidan's shirt. None of them noticed Konan walk to the freezer and pull out three rather large tubs of ice cream. Balancing them on her arm with skill that only came from years of practice she told them to shut up and headed up the stairs.**

**The trio of drunks was silent for a moment but eventually started up again. Deidara needed to escape and successfully made it to the front yard. He dropped down in the grass and sighed with relief "it's not that scary" a voice spoke from next to him. He looked up to see that Nagato and Sasori had followed him. Deidara raised an eyebrow "have you been reading my thoughts Leader-sama?" Deidara asked, using his old title which meant he was pretty shaken up even though he was trying to hide it. Nagato usually forgot how young the blonde actually was until moments like this. **

**Nagato laughed "no, I just remember when I was in your position…it seemed like the world was crashing down with me in it" he told the younger man "but believe me, 9 months later when you're holding your son or daughter-or both-in your arms you'll think back and wonder why you were so nervous" Deidara said nothing but absorbed the information "what if" he began trying to mask the nervousness in his voice with indifference and failing "what if we accidentally kill it hm? Or hurt it hm?" Sasori shook his head at the young man "all in all you didn't do too bad a job with me" Sasori smiled. Deidara raised his head "but we nearly killed you Danna. hm" he said. Both Sasori and Nagato knew that Deidara must be pretty scared to revert back to "Danna" and "Leader-sama" and they did their best to comfort him. **

Konan returned with the ice cream "who was making all that noise Konan-sama?" Ino asked politely knowing if it were Zetsu she was going to kill him when they got home. "Hidan, Kisame and Kakuzu" Konan said listing off the names "come to think of it I didn't see Zetsu anywhere" Ino puzzled over the disappearance of her husband(s) while Konan scooped out 5 large bowls of strawberry ice cream. Ino and Sakura went back to discussing the baby shower while Hyuma-despite being a female version of Hidan-daintily ate her ice cream.

"It's really not that bad" Konan said "and sure there is pain, I won't lie, there's a lot of it, but when you're holding your newborn moments after you've given birth you forget all about the pain and the only thing you see are those beautiful blue eyes staring at you" she glanced fondly at the two cribs on the side of the room. An idea came to her "Kyushu, Reika come here" she motioned towards the cribs and the two women obediently approached. She handed a sleeping Ayame all bundled in pink to Reika and a stirring Myumi bundled in blue to Kyushu.

"Look at them" Konan said as the other women crowded around to coo "in nine months, you'll have your own unique human-in your case Kyushu half-human-with your DNA. Rei, maybe your baby will end up with blue eyes and red hair, or violet eyes and blonde hair and Kyushu a baby with blue hair and white eyes or black hair and black eyes. Your baby will be a link between you and your husband. It might resemble one or both of you but either way, it will be yours."

Konan took the sleeping children back "fortunately you have each other to talk to and discuss baby advice" she smiled at the two women "it's definitely an adventure" another cheer went up from downstairs "better go tell them to zip it" she sighed.

**Deidara was beginning to feel slightly better after the talk he had with Sasori and Nagato but his fears still weren't completely abated. "I for one would like to have a baby" a voice from above them sounded. The trio looked up to see Zetsu peering at them from the tree trunk **"you and me both" **white Zetsu said "finally we agree on something" black Zetsu said irritably. Deidara smiled up at the plant-man when they heard angry shouts from inside. Nagato chuckled "looks like Konan got fed up with the noise" he laughed listening to his wife's angry voice. Deidara wondered how Reika was faring and glanced up at the bedroom window. Zetsu caught the glance **"don't worry she's fine" **"they're eating ice cream and talking about girl things" **"I wish I hadn't heard" **"you and me both" **"hey what's a hoo-ha?"

**The men looked at each other in confusion "I don't know" Nagato said baffled "who said it?" **"Hyuma did" **Nagato shuddered "I don't think we want to know" the three men rapidly shook their heads. "Reika seems to be more relaxed then when she got here" black Zetsu mused. Deidara sighed in relief "she was pretty shaken up yesterday. hm" he said. Nagato nodded "Konan told me. She was a mess when I brought her home" Deidara nodded and Sasori put a hand on his shoulder "you seem pretty messed up about this too" Sasori noted. Deidara said nothing but put his chin on his knees. Nagato patted him on the back "it really isn't anything to get so worked up about" Deidara nodded "it was just so…unexpected. We hadn't even discussed kids before except once and that was before we were married. hm" Nagato nodded "that's understandable, you are after all only what? 20?" "21" Deidara said slightly annoyed that people always under guessed his age.**

**Nagato nodded "see, you're still a kid...but I can assure you, it's not going to destroy your life, if anything it'll only make it better" Deidara nodded.**

That evening as people began leaving Deidara and Reika were finally reunited "hey hm" he kissed her "feeling better hm?" she nodded and he held her "what about you?" she asked. Deidara smiled "you know, I think this is going to be a good thing" he kissed the top of her head. The couple thanked Nagato and Konan and left with Ino and Zetsu and Sakura and Sasori. Sakura and Ino promising Konan the baby shower invitation soon.

"Baby shower hm?" Deidara asked Reika when it was just the two of them walking alone. The redhead giggled "Ino and Sakura want to throw Kyushu and I an aquatic themed baby shower" she giggled again. "Am I invited hm?" Deidara asked mischievously "sorry dear" she leaned her head on his chest "women only". Deidara adopted an expression of mock hurt "but I have been mistaken for one. hm" he pleaded kissing her nose. Reika giggled "but I know _very well _you're not" she giggled. Deidara kissed her nose again "thank goodness" he thought and smiled "or else we wouldn't be having a baby hm."


	3. Nine Months Later

**Deidara nervously paced the hospital waiting room. He was so tense he wanted to blow something up. He heard his wife's screams and enough swear words to put Hidan to shame and wondered whether she was dying. That thought reduced him to a bundle of nerves and he blew up the tree outside just to vent. He saw a familiar looking redhead come barreling around the corner "where's my sister?" Akane demanded, ringed violet eyes blazing and her husband following behind her. "Kane, calm down" her husband said "Neji" she turned to him eyes flashing "my sister is having our niece or nephew aren't you worried about her?" Neji nodded calmly "yes I am but nothing is solved by charging in" Akane took her husband's words to heart until she heard a scream. "I'm going in there" Akane shouted charging through the double doors and into the room.**

**Neji shook his head and sat down. Deidara kept pacing nervously "it's fine" Neji told him "no need to wear a hole in the floor, Reika is fine and now that Akane's in there…" he chuckled to himself "well they don't call her the lady tiger for nothing" moments later the nurse came out "is she okay hm? Is she dead hm?" Deidara asked panicked. The nurse laughed "no, she is definitely alive and has a beautiful baby boy. Congratulations sir" Deidara heaved a sigh of relief "can I see her hm?" he asked and the nurse nodded. Deidara entered the room to see Akane sobbing in joy and a very pale and sweaty Reika lying in bed. Deidara swore she was even more beautiful now than normal. She held out a little bundle of blankets and Deidara was greeted by a shock of orange hair. The little boy smiled up at him and curled his tiny little hand around the artist's thumb. He knew Nagato's advice had been sound since he was definitely wondering why he had been so nervous all those months ago.**

A/N Story was supposed to follow a different one but it's still in the works: Sasori gets turned into a little kid by a jutsu and Deidara and Reika are forced to take care of him until it wears off. Hence the alliterations to taking care of Sasori.


End file.
